The Time Warp Catastrophe
by PhantomPurpleWolf
Summary: Gwaine has a machine gun, Camelot has polka dots, Merlin has joined the army of menacing fur balls called "Furbies", and Morgana has a strange and common female weakness...and it's all because of Blue Turtle of AWESOMENESS falling through PhantomPurpleWolfs experimental portal.. .no slash, just lols! disclaimer: we are not affiliated with the BBC or any of the brands/artists named
1. Chapter 1

OKAY, FIRST IN A SET OF MANY TO COME. I HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS FOR THIS, (OVER 100) BUT EVENTUALLY I MIGHT RUN OUT SO I MAY BE ASKING FOR IDEAS LATER.

FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS FIC, EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT MERLIN'S MAGIC.

I DON'T OWN MERLIN, AND I'M NOT ASSOCIATED WITH ANY OF THE BRANDS MENTIONED IS THIS FIC.

OH, AND MASSIVE THANK YOU TO MY AWESOME BETA READER WHO IS ALSO HELPING ME WITH IDEAS AND STUFF AND WOOO TURTLE GURL!

**Hi guys, Blue Turtle of AWESOMENESS here, writing to you *cheesy grin*. For the purposes of this fic (which is true) I need a false name. I already have an appearance, but I need a name! SO here we have the final countdown...before the next chapter, you guys will review and you will vote on a name! **

**Kenda**

**Azure**

**Kenda means child of pure clean water (LIKE A TURTLE) and azure means blue (LIKE A BLUE TURTLE) **

**SO ITS UP TO YOU**

**Oh and check out my other fictions... either search Blue Turtle of AWESOMENESS or look at Wolfie's favourite authors/ stories! OH and she has a blog. **

DA LINKSKI ISSSSSSS ( I R SNAKE) WWW. PHANTOMPURPLEWOLF . *SHAMELESS SELF PROMO*

**WOLF. Nobody can understand you. What she means is: The link is www. phantompurplewolf . wordpress . com (delete spaces). You see why I'm her beta/co-writer? SHEESH...**

HEEEEEEEEY... DA BETAING WAS UR IDEAAAAAAA

**U needed it, dude... ok, enough of our conversations, read the flipping fic.**

* * *

Object 1: Red Bull

Merlin and the knights sat round the table, contemplating where their drunken friend could have got to this time. They had checked everywhere (Percival had even gone so far as to search the laundry rooms, and still bore a purple-ish bruise on one cheek), and were thinking about whether to put up a "missing" poster when Gwaine burst through the door.

"I've decided to give up alcohol!" he announced, to be met with several gasps and Merlin falling off his chair.

"I think it's time to say your prayers, because the apocalypse might have just started..." murmured Leon.

"Let me finish! I've given it up, because I've discovered something much better..." he produced a silver can with the words "Red Bull" on it. "This!"

"What is it?"

"Only the best drink ever!"

"Is it safe?"

"Would I ever drink something unsafe?"

"Gwaine," said Arthur tiredly. "You were once so drunk you downed half a barrel of lamp oil. Does that answer your question?"

"That's not fair!" he said hotly, "I thought that was ale!"

"I clearly remember yelling 'Gwaine! Don't drink that!' and your response being 'It's fine, I can take anything!'"

"Well...that's not the point! The point is this amazing drink you all have to try! Here, I'll prove its' safe. I'll test it on Merlin."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"He's a sorcerer! He'll be fine." Gwaine held out the can, and Merlin took it, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Pull that ring on the top."

He did so, to be met with a rush of foam.

"Gwaine...you expect me to drink this?"

"Oh, I forgot to say, it does that sometimes. But I've had it loads of times, and nothing bad ever happened to me."

"If this does anything weird, I will hate you forever..." he took a sip, the others waiting with bated breath. "This isn't too bad..."

"Not the whole thing!"

But it was already too late. Merlin had downed the can, and was standing there staring at the wall with spaced out eyes.

"Merlin... are you okay?"

"I'm better than okay! I feel all buzzy...and..." the rest of what he said was unintelligible, as all his words blurred together.

"I think that this was a bad idea..." Merlin started making a weird high-pitched noise and rocketed out of the door.

"Well done, Gwaine. You just made one of the most powerful warlocks ever go hyper."

Somewhere in the castle, a window smashed.

The knights raced down the corridors, searching for the AWOL warlock. Instead of Merlin, they found that a section of corridor had been cut off abruptly, with three doors leading three different ways.

"Okay," said Arthur, "Leon and I will take the middle. Lancelot, Gwaine, you go left. Elyan, Percival, you go right. If you find him...well, I don't know what you can do. Just... sound the alarm or something. Then run like hell."

They set off down their separate paths. After a couple of steps, Leon and Arthur came to a fork. They chose left, only to be met with another. This continued for a couple of minutes, until they saw a light at the end of the tunnel. They ran towards it, only to find themselves back where they had started, only this time they were standing in the entrance to the right door. They had all managed to emerge one door from where they began, only somehow Elyan and Gwaine had managed to switch over.

"Everyone, go back the way you came. We have to have made a mistake somewhere back there."

Five minutes later, they emerged from the one doorway they had not yet entered. None of them had switched over this time. Arthur counted to be sure. Gwaine... Percival... Leon... and himself?

"There's two of me!"

"No, Elyan, there's only one of you..."

"Stop it, Gwaine! I'm Arthur! That one is a fake!"

"I'm Percival..."

They spent another five minutes debating who was who, and eventually agreed that Arthur was Elyan, Gwaine was Percival, Leon was Arthur, Lancelot was Gwaine, Percival was Leon and Elyan was Lancelot. Eventually concluding that Merlin had switched their minds, they went back down the corridors, relieved to see that they had come out of their original tunnel and there were no impostors.

"Now that that's sorted...DAMMIT!" screamed Arthur, noticing that in-between entering the tunnel and exiting it, Percival had somehow been replaced by a horse. Around the horse's neck was a ribbon with a note attached to it.

"_Thought you needed some help getting through the tunnels, so I gave you this! It's a pity that you might need Percival later though... With awesome and hyper regards, Merlin_." read Leon. "How the hell is he doing this? This is all your fault, Gwaine. We need to stop him before this gets any worse. I swear, if we ever sort this out, I will ban you from apples for a year..."

At the word "apples" the horse galloped down the middle corridor, with five knights racing after it. Arthur felt a moment of loathing for Merlin as he had the sudden thought that he, the king of Camelot, who had won many a great battle, was now being degraded to running through palace corridors shouting "FOLLOW THAT HORSE!"

At least he was doing it in a heroic manner, though. Otherwise it would have been even more humiliating.

The horse finally came to a halt under an apple tree. The five knights skidded on the grass, trying to figure out where they were. As far as they could see, it was some kind of a forest.

"Where are we? How did we get outside?"

"Sire..." said Lancelot, "I don't think we're outside...I think we're in the East corridor..." They all walked over to where he was, sweeping aside several fronds of ivy to reveal a window. Outside, they could see the courtyard and the rest of the castle. They were indeed inside. The only difference to the view was that the castle was now covered in giant green polka dots. It looked like it had caught some sort of disease.

"I swear, when I get my hands on him..." Arthur growled.

"Easier said than done, I'm afraid. So if we keep going, and go left, we should go back into a normal corridor...hopefully."

They set off into the forest, the horse trailing behind them. Gwaine was weighed down by about twenty apples.

At the point where they should have turned left, there was a wall of creepers hanging down from the ceiling.

"This should be easy enough…"

Arthur swung his sword at the creepers, only to discover that they were in fact snakes. He was about to go for the head of the largest snake when a voice yelled;

"NOOOO! DON'T HURT THE SNAKEYS!"

* * *

**ooooooooh cliffie! I can promise that there will be no update until u pick me a name! remember, either Azure or Kenda! OH, and a weeeeeee sneak peak:**

**I LOVE SNAKES! AND PORTALS! WEEEEEEEE! *spins in portal with a crazy laugh***

**Back to bizzz... Well, what do you think? I lolzed for about an hour. Ok, lies, for about 50 secs... AND I CO-WROTE IT FROM THE GWAINE WAS WEIGHED DOWN BY TWENTY APPLES BIT SO WOOOOO ME!**

U WERE SOOOOOO LOLZIN 4 LONGR THAN THAT. AND I WAS INDIE PAST THAT POINT!

**WOAH. I thought that you would be cookoo about the self promo stuffsies!**

MEEPZ.

**DO u have anything more interesting to say?!**

I DO. M-

**No you don't. Ur voice is annoying. OKay we'll just go I'm going to explo-*explodes***

ARRIVERDERCI,

LUPO VIOLA

(DAT IS ITALIAN BTWS)

*DOES OBLIGATORY CLOAK SWIRL AND DISSAPPEARS INTO THE NIGHT. EVEN THO ITS DAYTIME*


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur and the knights and Percival-the-horse stopped and stared.

In the middle of where the snakes there was a big, blue, swirly portal - and Arthur did most certainly not say "Oooh, pretty!"

"Oooh, pretty!" Arthur didn't say.

The girl on the other side of the portal smirked. "I know, right?! Do you like the name Phil?"

Arthur – coming to his senses – cautiously stepped through the portal, the knights and knight-horse close behind. They found themselves from the corridor-forest into a real forest.

As soon as Percival-the-horse stepped through, the portal disappeared with a pop. A snake managed to get its way through, and the girl picked it up.

"Awwww, aren't you the cutest little snakey-kins? Phil the snakey-wakey…Come and give mummy a kissy, awwww…" she cooed.

Arthur's eye twitched.

Leon raised his sword to the girl's neck. "Who are you?"

The girl was young, the very beginning of her teenage years. She was tall, pale and had bushy brown hair. Her eyes were hazel, and she was wearing a brown jacket seemingly made of leather, with a strange metal contraption fastening it (A/N A zip!). She wore blue trousers that seemed thicker than other materials and brown ankle boots, with a slight heel, and buckles.

"Woah…" the girl said, throwing up her hands and chucking the snake backwards (Elyan swore it made a liitle "eek!") and eyeing the sword cautiously. Suddenly, her face split into a grin.

"Oh. My. God. That is a real life medieval broadsword! Can I hold it?" she said enthusiastically.

"No-what the hell are you doing?!" Leon cried. She was now holding in her hand a strange metal device, and was touching the front, which was glowing with strange symbols.

"Taking selfies!" the girl grinned. Unexpectedly, she whipped around, put her arm around Leon, and grinned, touching a button on the metal block.

There was a flash, and the girl was engrossed in tapping the glowing device again. "Oh, wow… wait until I Instagram this!"

Leon blinked. "Um…"

"Who are you?" Elyan asked, echoing Leon's words. The girl looked confused, before looking into the distance.

"I… can't really tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because my friend is scribing everything that happens, and for the purposes of the readers, I can't give anyone even an inkling to who I really am. Not even my appearance is what I actually am, which is just a little strange…"

Elyan stared at her. "Where is your friend?"

The girl grinned. "Oh, Wolfie? She's on the other side."

The knights stared. "Other side of where, exactly?" Lancelot asked slowly.

"Well…you know portals? Yeah, well, Wolfie and I were doing some really weird stuff…and she created a portal thing, and I didn't listen and fell through. She's trying to fix it, in fact. But it's not working, but I know she has a mini one I created as a prototype…and she yelled to me as I fell she'd send me all I'd need to live an awesome life in medieval times…oh, and just warning you, I am the geek queen of History, and at the minute I'm dying of awesomeness."

The knights blinked in unison, before the girl said, "Well? Aren't you going to be kind to a poor, lost, young girl? Oooh, is that Red Bull? Oh, fantastic! Wolf really did mean it! Gimme!"

She snatched the can out of Gwaine's hand and downed it in one go. "That's better," she laughed. "She knew I probably needed a sugar high to stop the panic. It's a powerful energy drink."

"We know," Gwaine smirked. "Merlin-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! MERLIN! I LOVE MERLIN HE IS SOO AWESOME ESPECIALLY BAMF!MERLIN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Does he really look like Colin Morgan, ohhhh, my heart's gone all fluttery! HE IS SO CUTE OH MY GOD I KNEW IT! Am I dreaming?! I have to be dreaming…TELL ME I'M NOT DREAMING…AAAAAARGH OMG YOU ARE GWAINE! YOU ARE SIR GWAINE WHO LOVES APPLES WITH THE AWESOME HAIR OH MY GOD AND YOU'RE ELYAN AND YOU'RE LEON AND YOU'RE LANCELOT AND YOU…um, you're a horse, but I'm guessing…YOU'RE PERCIVAL AND ARTHUR PRATDRAGON IS BEING ATTACKED BY SNAKEYS!"

The knights all looked very windswept and had been blown backwards several feet due to the power of demented fangirling. After about fifteen minutes of awkward silence and fangirl hyperventilating, Leon said, "Arthur's being attacked by snakes?"

They all turned to see their king trying to strangle a snake, although he was having trouble guessing where the neck stopped and the body started.

"Die, evil scaley beast! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Um…King Prat? That's a rubber snake. Phil is currently killing Percival the horse by biting him because I threw him over my shoulder and he's angry."

There was an insane whinny and Percival horse leapt in the air, a writhing snake hanging from his leg.

"Bad Phil! Come to mummy!"

The snake hissed, and in a weird moment where nobody really knew what was going on, exploded in a puff of purple glitter.

"Wolfie took him; don't worry."

Gwaine was dying of laughter. "What can we call you? You're just brilliant…"

The girl thought a second. "Kenda," she said after a while. "I like Kenda. It means child of pure clean water. Like a turtle. And I love turtles!"

"Alright Kenda! Let's get you Camelotted up! But first, Merlin's on a sugar high and the results are…well, snake creepers are only the beginning…have you seen him? And if not, you can meet him later," Gwaine grinned. Kenda let out a demented squeal.

"OH YEAH! I'M BECOMING MEDIEVAL! Sadly, I haven't seen the cutie…Oh, hang on, I almost forgot! I need to text Wolfie! Oh, by the way, this is a communication/app/game/music/photo device. Called a phone."

She took out the 'phone' and began to text.

* * *

Wolf! Guess where the portal took me! YOLO, and i am so happpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee where my living has taken me! u hav got ur fone rite? o and thx 4 d Red Bull, it is totes helpin to stop da manic screaming :D

okay, how much demented fangirling/being terrified have you done? i hav just pretty much geeked out over P!atD all day. (u no ur a P!atD geek when you start typing it like that) u missed atlantis tho! u want me 2 send u iplayer?

Lots...but guess where I am! And thx 4 not being mad at me falling through the portal...yay! and iPlayer would be gr8. But I'm living it here! Im in a forest, ill send u a selfie! *attaches selfie*. NOW GUESS WHERE I AM

ur in the camelot forest with da knights! soooooooooo jel! u hav 2 tell me, does merlin really look like colin morgan? and hav dere been any mysterious fallin branches yet?

idk bout Merlin 3 yet, but I'm guessing...waitsees a mo, how the heck did u guess?!

i know u...AND WTH DID U FALL THROUGH MY FRICKIN PORTAL? ITS MY PORTAL! MINE! *GOLLUM* GRRRR...PORTAL STEALER.

I tripped! ANd i thought u knew...u yelled "ILL SEND U WHAT U NEED TO SURVIVE"...or were u asleep and calling out? I now recall u sleepingz in ur chair...and that means the red bull was u sleep throwing cans like u always do...OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! GRRRRRR But i hold u to sending stuff I can survive with? *raises eyebrow in a Gaius like manner*

MEH. no iplayers 4 u then. i might send it if im feeling nice...and y don't u know about merlin? hes always wiv arthur in case he needs to make a branch randomly fall on someones head...

Ur so bad at being mad…and no, the red bull u SLEEP THREW, from what I gather, got tried by Merlin…this is Emrys with Red Bull, Wolfie. U kinda get the idea. The knights found me because of his hyper games…

mehhh...ok, so what exactly happened?  
cant' fix da portal! looks like ur stuck there. not that im complaining...jk, i can still send stuff, so u get da idea

WHAT. As much as I love it here, Wolfie, I can't stay forever! And I can't explain, I don't know what happened, I have to go…Gwen's probs gunna dress me up medieval style…though if I where anything revealing/make uppy/ too girly, I'll scream! I WANNA SWORD FIGHT! Gtg, txt u l8er…send me stuff soon, k? KEEP WORKING ON THE PORTAL! S:-/

kk, ill try 2 fix it, but no promises. dont fangirl too much or u may explooooode! tlk l8r!  
kthxbye

* * *

Disgruntled, she put the phone away. "That was strange. Guys, Wolfie can't create the portal. It's going to take a while, so…I'm stuck here and maybe for a long time. Also, she's going to send more stuff, so I'd watch out."

Arthur ironed his head with his hands and groaned. "Oh no…"

Kenda patted his shoulder. "It's ok, it'll probably be nice stuff that isn't too bad, after all…she doesn't have that much to send through…"

Once they had calmed down with the initial thought of a girl from a kind of parallel universe coming to Camelot and that she wasn't going to start smirking and have magic and trick them all and take over Camelot, the knights escorted her back to the castle, where Gwen would, no doubt, help her settle in. Merlin was left forgotten, the hyperness would've worn off by now. He was probably hiding because he was embarrassed by what he had done.

Meanwhile, said warlock gave an evil laugh, watching Kenda fangirl when she saw the citadel (which still had great big green spots on, which got more squealing from Kenda), and he had another swig of Red Bull…


	3. Chapter 3

THIRD CHAPTER HAS ATTEMPTED TO LAND, CRASHED, AND BURNED. BLUE TURTLE HAS BEEN TEXTING ME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, THO, DONT TELL HER...IM KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINDA LONELY :'(

SO NOT MUCH HAPPENED TO HER. SHE CHANGED CLOTHES (SENT ME A SELFIE) AND LOOKED...ODD. LIKE, NICE ODD.

AND SHE CANNOT KNOW I SAID THAT.

EVER.

* * *

Object 2: stilettos

Meanwhile, at the stables, Percival was wondering why he was tied up. One minute, he had been walking down a corridor, the next, he had been standing here with a rope around his neck. The carrots had been nice, though. He had saved the apple for Gwaine; he knew he would never here the end of it otherwise. He heard voices coming past the stables, and yelled

"Hey! I'm in here!"

The footsteps outside paused, and in came the rest of the knights, a strange girl, and a horse.

"Percival!" exclaimed Arthur. "I thought you were..."

"Awwww. So Percy _isn't _a horsey after all..." the girl grumbled, looking at the floor. "this fic would have been better if he was a horsey...nobody's done that before...I think..."

"Who are you? And what the hell is a fic?"

"I am Kenda, the blue turtle of AWESOMENESS!"

"What's a turtle?"

"Kinda like a cross between a dragon, a crab, and a fishcake...I think..."

"Right..."

"Oh, and I know when all of you die!" she said surprisingly cheerfully. "You wanna know?"

"No. No I don't. No spoilers."

" I wasn't going to tell you anyway. That might rob the series of its cute ending. But then if there was a way to keep you guys alive _without _stealing the cute ending..."

"What series? What ending?"

"Of course...you don't know..._yet..._mwahahahahahaha...LOL I'm so BAMF.."

"Okay." said Percival, slightly creeped out at the use of the strange new word, 'BAMF'." I'm guessing that you're kind of weird, so I'm just going to ignore anything strange that you say from hereon out."

"I'm only a little weird...wait...you know Merlin has magic, don't you?" she asked. They nodded, and Kenda pouted. "Aw, that means that Merlin has already brought you back and you already know the ending!"

"You mean the part when I suffered a slow and painful yet heroic death?"

Kenda rolled her eyes. "That wasn't the sad bit. The sad bit was when Kilgarrah told Merlin he was dying and Merlin couldn't die. It made me cry so hard. And the only heroism at the end was Merlin's. He was so...so..." Unexpectedly, she burst into tears and hugged Arthur. "O-okay, your death w-was sad too, don't ever leave Merlin -again!"

Arthur tried to pull off the five foot five of hysterically sobbing fangirl, but to no avail. Eventually he gave up and mouthed "_Help!" _

_"MY POOR BABY MERLINKINS!"_

She pulled herself together eventually, drying her eyes on her hands.

But it did not last for long.

For there, in the doorway, stood...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Merlin. He was about to speak, most likely to insult Arthur, when he was nearly knocked over by said hysterical fangirl.

"ITS MERLIN! FOR REALSIES! AND HE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE COLIN MORGAN! I AM DEAD!"

"Who the hell is this?"

"I AM KENDA THE HYSTERICAL FANGIRL!"

Merlin winked at her. She collapsed.

Arthur rounded on Merlin. "WHY IN THE NAME OF THE GODS DID YOU DRINK THAT STUFF? CAMELOT HAS GREEN POLKA DOTS ALL OVER IT!"

"So _that's _what happened...Anyway, Gwaine started it."

"Oh...sorry." he rounded on Gwaine. "WHY IN THE NAME OF THE GODS DID YOU GIVE THAT STUFF TO MERLIN?"

Gwaine shrugged. "The portal started it..."

"Right. Knights, to the forest. I want to yell at the portal. Oh, and rouse Kenda. She knows the location. And bring Merlin too, because she will follow him everywhere. But leave the Red Bull."

Gwaine and Merlin pouted, and emptied their pockets (which appeared out of nowhere), leaving a pile of about sixty cans of the drink. They set off heroically.

"Guys..." called Percival, "I'm still tied up here..."

They returned, and after Arthur had untied Percival and yelled at him for spoiling his heroic quest, they set off once more.

They reached the portal, and the king did as he had promised to do.;

"WHY, PORTAL, WHYYYYYYY? YOU RUINED MY WEEK! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOU! YOU FLAPDRAGON!"

To his surprise, a voice on the other side said "I heard that!" and a strange object flew out of the portal and hit Arthur on the head.

"That was my favourite shoe! I'll have to wear the _other _ones now, and they annoy me..."

"WOLFIE!" Kenda cried happily and rushed forward.

"AND YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT THAT MY SHOE IS IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THOSE COST? THEY WERE JIMMY CHOOS!"

"Sorry! I'm in Camelot!" Kenda cried excitedly. "And Merlin is CUTER than Colin Morgan!"

"BUT THATS NOT THE...wait...FANGIRL SCREAM ATTACK!"

Both girls took a deep breath and in perfect harmony made a noise like "squeeeeee". One of the screams died out- they couldn't be sure which -and the other held out for a bit longer before shouting

"Ha! I win again!"

"No...that was me..."

"It was me!"

"This isn't going to work...we couldn't see who shut their mouth first..."

"I can fangirl scream with my mouth shut..."

"Fine. We draw?"

"Yep. I'm cool with that."

"Well its sorted then."

"Can I have my shoe back now?"

Kenda sighed. "You said it yourself, Wolfie. Its a one-way portal."

"Damn. So now what do I do? It's the disco this Friday and I have none that go with my dress..."

"How about wearing a different dress?"

"Awww...but I planned this, and I've worn all the other ones before..."

She rolled her eyes. "Wear your bloody dance shoes if it's that important."

"No! Do you have any idea how stupid that would be? you do not wear tap shoes to a disco! Especially if you're grade five out of seven!"

"I know...why don't you throw the other shoe in and I'll tell you what happens, then you can put it in the next chapter?"

Wolfie paused. "Fine. But when I make this two way, they're the first things coming back."

"What about me?"

"I don't care! Those are my _shoes _we're talking about!"

Just as Arthur was getting up, a second object hit his head and he went down for a second time. Merlin picked them up.

"And if any of you do anything to those shoes, I will come through there and personally murder all of you! Slowly and painfully...and with a leek."

"Just how exactly do you kill someone with a leek?"

"I have my ways...anyway, I have to go now. "The Reveal and Other Drabbles" just updated! Bye!" With that, there was silence from the portal.

"Hang on..._I _wrote the reveal and other drabbles!" Kenda cried. She turned to the knights.

"I can update in my _sleep_? That is so...weird. Hang on...that means...I HAVE INTERNET!"

She began to dance.


	4. Chapter 4

SO..JUST RECIEVED THE REST OF THE SAGA OF THE JIMMY CHOO STILLETOS VIA TEXT.

OH, AND DID YOU KNOW "VIA" IS LATIN FOR STREET? *POINTLESS FACTOID OF THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEK!*

* * *

They left the woods, Merlin staring at the objects in his hands. These were _shoes? _How did people walk in these things?

What they didn't know was that they were being watched, by a force not to be reckoned with...

Merlin, Kenda and the Knights were now within a mile of the castle, but said "force not to be reckoned with" knew that not all of them would make it...

They could not have been less oblivious as Merlin was dragged away. Nobody noticed...well, almost nobody. Kenda the fangirl had promised herself that if she ever met Merlin, she would stalk him to the ends of the earth. And that's what she was doing now.

* * *

"You can not escape me."

"Can I make a bargain?"

"NO BARGAIN WILL MAKE ME NOT KILL YOU! BWA HA HA HA!"

"What about...these?"

And Morgana stared.

"SHOES! OMG GIMME!" She squealed. Merlin gave them; she put them on and grew an inch. She beamed at him.

"Merlin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you. Join me."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kenda yelled. "HE'S MINE! MIIIIIIINE! MIIIIIIIIIIIII-" she stopped. Merlin had a feeling he knew what was coming. "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG MORGANAAAA! YOU ARE SO AWESOMELY BAMF!"

He had guessed correctly.

Morgana raised an eyebrow. "Who is this?"

"Kenda, hyperactive fangirl, at your service!" she took a theatrical bow, but almost hit her head on the wall. "Wait...if I let _you _have Merlin, this makes it a Mergana fic, and I love Mergana fics! But on the other hand, if _I _get Merlin..."

Morgana took her aside and they spoke for a few minutes, and then they turned to him again.

"Kenda and I have reached a compromise." Morgana said, "All that we need now is your opinion. So, are you going to go with me, or run back to Camelot?"

Merlin thought about it.

_Arthur would miss you..._whispered the angelic part of Merlin's mind. He liked to think of it as his conscience, if he would ever have one.

_Yeah, but who cares? He's a prat._ hissed the non-angelic side. Ah, now _this _was his conscience. This side knew what it was talking about. If he had listened to the other side, then he would have ended up like _Geo__rge._ Merlin shuddered at the thought... he probably would have even had the George haircut, and that was the worst prospect of all. _So, George side, or smart side? Stupid haircut, or talk back to Arthur?  
_It was a no-brainer, really.

And it was sorted.

Why didn't he do this years ago? He was getting pampered and everything. Two powerful sorcerers, joined forces.

"Merlin," simpered Morgana, "You know what would make me love you even more?"

"What is it?"

"More shoes!"

The three of them set off to the portal, slipping silently through the trees. The portal was still there, glowing as brightly as ever.

"Wolfieeee!" called Kenda, "can we have some more shoes?"

"What? You dare ask for my shoes?"

"Morgana wants them..."

"MORGANA? OMG SHE IS SO AWESOME!" A few seconds later, more shoes fell through the portal. They were very different from the last pair. These ones were both flat and made of coloured canvas - in fact, they were almost identical- but the two pairs seemed to give off and aura that each pair of shoes hated eachother.

"Now, I want you to send one pair to Camelot!" instructed Wolfie from the other side of the portal . "Choose which...but I think I can guess..."

Morgana looked down at the shoes. One pair were purple with stars on the ankles, bearing the words "Converse All Stars." the others were black and white checkerboard pattern, saying "vans off the wall".

"I choose the purple ones!" said Morgana, her eyes wide. "Camelot can have the Vans!"

"I knew it! Converse are always the awesomest! The David Tenant doctor who has those...and Brendon Urie in the video for _This is Gospel..._Oh my God I love that song!" Wolfie hummed a few bars of music. "Yay fangirling! Anyhoooooo...what are you waiting for? send the Vans to Camelot! I want to see what happens! Oh, and Morgana, you are awesome, and you too, Merlin!"

And so began the battle of the high top sneakers...

* * *

UH OH...I WONDER WHAT CRAZY SITUATION CAMELOT WILL BE CATAPULTED INTO NEXT! OH, AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO BRENDON URIE IS, I AM ASHAMED OF YOU. HE IS THE LEAD SINGER OF PANIC! AT THE DISCO, THE AWESOMEST BAND EVEEEEEEEEEEER!

UPDATES WHEN KENDA GETS BACK TO ME!


End file.
